Just as quickly as my hopes grew. . . they burst

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As a follow up to my previous post, it looks like I cannot go back to my community college. I think it’s a clerical error, and I hope to appeal it – but in the mean time, I felt like I got crushed.

My disqualification meant that I needed to sit out for one calendar year. After that year, I would need to meet with a counselor to come up with a plan for success. If I did not make any improvement my next semester, I would be Disqualified 2 . . . then Disqualified 3. Both Disqualifications 2 and 3, require a Petition for Readmittance (which have strict guides and deadlines).

I was only Disqualified once. Instead of sitting out for the year, I enrolled at another school.

Except, the counselor I spoke with that my record shows Disqualification 3.

That would mean that I not only had to sit out for a calendar year twice, but I would have had to have met with a counselor and signed 2 separate success contracts.

That certainly never happened.

Thus, I feel it’s an error, but at the moment I am just left with this feeling. This feeling usually leads to self loathing, stress eating, low vibrations and energy.

Today though, I mean it did happen and I did stress eat food I wouldn’t normally be inclined to, but no… I’m not going to let this happen.

I decided to roll with the punches. I won’t let this decide my fate. I will use this time (because I’m officially deciding to go the longer, slower route instead of the quicker, more expensive one) to make myself as competitive as I can, and in doing so, I’m going to show the naysayers that I am serious about this.

Things within my control that’ll make me competitive when it comes time to applying for a nursing program:

  • Start volunteering (minimum volunteer requirements with hospitals are 100 hours within 6-7 months)
  • Practice Spanish
  • Finish my GE courses (and excel)
  • Take my Pre-Req science courses (and excel)

I will do this.

We all spend our lives kicking the crap out of ourselves for not being this way or that way, not having this thing or that thing, not being like this person or that person. For not living up to some standard we think applies across the board to all of us. We all spend our lives trying to follow the same path, live by the same rules. I think we believe that happiness lies in following the same list of rules. In being more like everyone else. That? Is wrong. There is no list of rules. There is one rule. The rule is: there are no rules. Happiness comes from living as you need to, as you want to. As your inner voice tells you to. Happiness comes from being who you actually are instead of who you think you are supposed to be. Being traditional is not traditional anymore. It’s funny that we still think of it that way. Normalize your lives, people. You don’t want a baby? Don’t have one. I don’t want to get married? I won’t. You want to live alone? Enjoy it. You want to love someone? Love someone. Don’t apologize. Don’t explain. Don’t ever feel less than. When you feel the need to apologize or explain who you are, it means the voice in your head is telling you the wrong story. Wipe the slate clean. And rewrite it. No fairy tales. Be your own narrator. And go for a happy ending. One foot in front of the other. You will make it.

– Shonda Rhimes